I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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