apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
