I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
