Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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