lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
