Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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