I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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