Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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