A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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