A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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