I'm so fucking centered right now
we have pet lesbian snakes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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