I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
