I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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