Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
