Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
