'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
