Who wears a wallet chain?!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
