Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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