my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she smelled like a LAN party
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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