I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
