My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
