well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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