she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
