It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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