This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
