Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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