your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
