my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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