My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
