the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
