hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize