I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
