you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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