Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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