just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
