First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
