I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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