so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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