Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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