Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
