I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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