I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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