I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
