Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
