im holly from the hills drunk
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
