Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
