Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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