guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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