She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
