Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
