what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
