It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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