I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
worst night to have a conscience
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
