I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
