At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
