Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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