dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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