4 words: hood of his car
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
