Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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