So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
