my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
