i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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